December 2011
46 posts
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“I’m a hopeful romantic who adores novels with happy endings, because there...”
– Tammara Webber
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I just found these pictures on Facebook lol
Now these are my friends.
I hate when even though I know how fucking impossible and so far it is from happening, my heart seems to have a (not to mention, stupid) mind of its own and still think about this thing I’ve been trying so hard not to think about. And dare hope, even! It’s like I know I’m up for disappointment, but I just couldn’t control what it wants to feel, you know? It sucks.
I’d rather you kill me with the truth than satisfy me with a lie.
So today, I found my lost iPod. It’s been idk foreverrrr! I listened to them old songs, and they all made me feel nostalgic. There are songs that I used to like, but now I can’t believe I did; There are songs that I missed so much; And there are songs that I still love. It made me realise how much things had actually changed over these past few years. It’s amazing.
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Yesterday, we had a Christmas party with family and the rest of the relatives. It was fun. Really fun. So anyway, we’ve cousins over right? Since it’s a family thing. Well, we had cousins who did nothing but face their freaking computer the whole freaking night. Like, what the fuck? Are you even in a party? Do you even have a life? I just realised how fucking pathetic-looking you could...
I wish he’d call, or post something on my wall, or drop something in my ask. Gosh, I cannot stop thinking about him.
He notices me. My crush notices me. I learned it today. Ah, life’s good.
Charles. His birthday’s on September 26th. September 26th, ring a bell? It’s Tony’s birthday, too. And Tony’s name is actually Charles Henry Anthony (hence the Dear Charles. tag). Well, what can I say? I’m a sucker for Charleses born on September 26th, I guess?
December 21, 2011.
Today was wonderful. I loved every bit of it. It’s just sad that we had to go early. Well, anyway. You must be asking why? Well, we had a get together with my previous classmates from grade school today. And this one person in particular was there. His name’s Charles. His name’s Charles. :)
William Trombal,
Marry me.
And yes, you’ve guessed right, he’s a fictional character from a book called Saving Francesca. God, why can’t I have someone like him I want to meet someone like him so bad I could cry :(
Dad. Drunk. Again. Wait, that’s all of the time. What am I even making a post about this for. When he isn’t drunk, now that’s something to post about.
Today.
I love kids. I swear, I do. Just not when they’re being so hyper and playful and all running around and shit.. just not when they’re.. well, being kids. Heh, lol. So today, we went out with my aunt and her little toddler-ish (she’s 2+) child. It was hell. Seriously. She was everywhere! She made me swear then and there that I would never have a child ever.
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Our conversations are getting unbearably both shallow and hollow. Too much that I’m beginning to wonder why I even bother talking to you at all.
I have been paying so much attention to people’s eyelashes lately. It is weird.
Call me evil, but I find it highly gratifying to see my sister finally being punished by my mother. Justice.
Tired and uninspired.
Lately, I have been so. It’s such a relief to have Christmas break arrive at a perfect timing. Otherwise, I wouldn’t know how I would survive another day much less another week in this condition. Seriously.
Did I mention Arthur?
I did.
Well. I don’t like him quite as much anymore. Naa, he’s still the same old him, same cute guy, same hot bod and all, it’s just.. all these girls are finally starting to discover him. I don’t like it. He’s so overexposed now. Sad.
Most of the time I could ignore the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t mind, really. But there are times, times like now, when I feel lonely just watching them happy couples and think I’d like to have something like that for myself as well. Sigh.
In the end; will you sink, will you float?
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“Male or female, strong or weak, ill or healthy— all those things matter...”
– Cassandra Clare (Clockwork Angel)
Maybe I didn’t want to admit it, hell maybe I didn’t even know it myself, am I jealous? Maybe I am.
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Confusing.
This friend of mine. I love him, but I hate him at the same time.
So I just heard.
Some foreigner wanted to shoot something (a movie? a mini-film? a project? a show? a joke? idk) in our house. Dad declined (because of sibling issues, fuck that bullshit). It would have been cool.
Another revelation.
I’ve been skipping so much school when what I really wanted to do was skip life altogether. Wow.
I’m tired of being tired. I know, such a cliche, but seriously. It seems there are a lot of thinks to think about and I just want to stop thinking and take some time to clear my fucking mess of a head. I need a break from life.
New earphones.
Oh, hey, I took pictures after all.
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Nothing is happening because you aren’t doing anything in the first place. Get your lazy ass up and start making things happen now or one day you’ll just wake up to realize that time has already passed you by.
And how I wish I could take my own advice.
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When conversations don’t go as you planned, you say just playing to easily get yourself out of the freaking mess you’ve created. Right, you’re always playing. Well, I hate you. Try to get out of that one now, you one heap-full of an asshole.
Today, December 6, 2011.
I was buying some drink in the convenience store in our school. I was paying when the door opened and in comes my dear crush, Arthur. He looked at me. I swear, everything seemed to go on slow motion. It was just his eyes on me. It made my day. Until now, I still have not recovered from that. So happy. Lol.
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After class today, on the way out of the...
classmate: bye
me: hello
classmate: haha i said bye
me: oh uh bye
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Right, you’re just playing. That’s all you ever do, it’s getting fucking annoying.
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Like, how do you react when someone tells you to change your Facebook profile picture? First, I don’t like being told what to do; Second, just what the fuck?; Third, talk about in-sul-ting; And lastly, I don’t really care. So gosh just fuck off.
I wish I knew how to put on make-up. Like those that could transform one’s face to something entirely differently better. I need that. But I don’t know shit. This sucks.
So. I used to keep a diary. Used to because.. well, my last entry said something like “so yeah, if you want to be updated, just go read my blog”. Nice.
So. I’m supposed to study these 5 Powerpoint presentations (each with at least like 50 slides on it) and now.. well, something is wrong with the fucking computer because it won’t fucking read the fucking thing. Fuck, I’m so fucked. Goodbye, acceptable exam grade.
Life just sucks. Plain and simple.
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You said you’re thinking about coming here next year. I seriously literally had a hard time breathing. Like, for real. It doesn’t really mean we’ll be seeing each other, there are like thousands of other places you could visit here, so what the hell am I fretting about? Everything, actually. Gosh. I am so not eating now.
I remember how I used to brag so much about you. How you were still healthy as a horse at over 90. How you still manage to get up and down the stairs and do your daily stationary cycling exercise in the basement with your radio blaring up so loud it could be heard from every corner of the house. How you could still play the piano, and though a little less perfectly each time, still beautiful and...
Yes, I can see he’s messing with my head, and being my normal stupid self, I let him.
Remember you’ve only got yourself to blame…, self.
November 2011
57 posts
You don’t really have to experience first-hand to learn a lesson. Sometimes, you just have to be there, to see, to observe. Take this morning for example. My sister was being such a horrible, horrible bitch. She thinks the whole world revolves around her being late for her class this morning. It was not nice. I’ve learned not to be a bitch, not to act like that. Even when I feel like...